A Home on the Road
Normally I am a fairly mild mannered guy. Normally I can control my emotions through a large variety of situations. Normally I don't think about running people off of the road at high speeds. But sometimes I don't find myself in "normal" situations.
When you have been in the "business" that I am in for the legnth of time that I have been in it, you get to hear lots of stupid jokes, riddles and things like that. I don't particularly enjoy them. I don't care if "round bales of hay are being outlawed because cows can't get a square meal out of them". Not only do I not care to hear that joke one time, I don't care to hear it 10 times... Anyway, I digress. There is one saying that I have heard that applys to the topic of this blog. It goes something like this, "Why do people park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?". Hmmm... That's a good question, but I don't care to answer it or even discuss it. Please read on.
Have you ever been on a trip and been stuck behind someone who is driving 12 miles per hour under the speed limit? Have you ever been stuck behind someone who varies their speed so much that you are spending equal time on the brake and the gas? Although those situations can be maddening, when the opportunity presents itself, simply move into another lane, stomp your gas petal to the floor, glare at the person as you pass them, move in front of them and leave them in the black smoke of your VW TDI Jetta. That's what I usually do...
But what about this? Sometimes I find myself driving behind a HOUSE! A HOUSE on WHEELS! Being pulled by a TRUCK! Driving UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT! Blocking ALL LANES! SWERVING! I'm not sure why, but these homes on wheels seem to always be going where I am going. And for some reason, they always leave a little bit ahead of me. They frustrate me to no end. They plague me. I hate them. Have you ever seen those things? Nothing makes me want to shoot flaming arrows Dukes of Hazzard style like homes on wheels. Do you know what I am talking about?
Why are the tires on those things so SMALL? You're pulling a HOUSE for the love... I actually saw one of those mini-tires explode under the pressure of the home it was holding one time. A little scary. Why can't these houses be built on location like normal houses? Why can't their materials ride on a normal truck? Why do they drive during the day? Couldn't they drive at night so as to not hold up traffic?
One time I got stuck behind this enormous piece of equipment traveling through Mexia. It was so big that a man actually got out of the truck and lifted a pole up to the traffic signals to push them out of the way so there was room for the truck to drive under. Each light that was encountered took about 5 minutes and there are about 6 lights in Mexia. I was frothing at the mouth.
So, next time you are on the road, watch out for moving houses. They will make you red in the face. Don't even think about passing them. You can't. They hog the whole road and they can't move to the shoulder because they have go-cart tires. If you are lucky enough to not encounter one of the homes on wheels, then maybe you could ask the question, "Why do people park their cars at home and drive their homes down the road?". If that doesn't work, you can always talk about the shapes of hay...

Loved-Ones, Please Speak Up
We see them everywhere we go. Maybe you see her at the mall, her bangs feathered 4 inches high. We all have seen him as we drive, mowing his lawn in shorts and black dress socks. I most recently saw her at the Texas Rangers game on June 30th. Her condition was difficult to tastefully explain, so I will show you her picture, but be warned, it's not for the easily nauseated. Can anyone say, "OUCH!"?
Who are these people that make such seemingly horrible decisions concerning their appearance? They are our fathers, our aunts, our grandparents and our friends. They may even be us!
Some have already combined to help the fashionless, but how many people can "What Not to Wear" reach? Seriously, I can't watch that dude for very long... he bugs!
Those of us who recognize these problems when we see them, do we have a responsibility to say something? Do we owe it to society to bring the wayward back into the fashion fold? Ofcourse we DON'T! If these people were to hear that their bangs, or their socks were 25 years outdated they might be offended or have their feelings hurt. If they were to hear from a total stranger that their bite was so far up their butt-crack that their spine was visible, they might become embarrassed. So, since a stranger can't point these things out, who has the ability to do so? Should the fashion offenders even be told? Should they be left alone to dress how they choose?
I believe that if these people are to be helped, if we are to be helped, only those closest to the problem can help it. If the offender is actually my father and I do see the offence, I alone am responsible to help. If your aunt feathers her 4 inch bangs, only you can help change the behavior. If you are the person in the red shirt in the above picture, you should have said something before the game, no, you should have said something before you left the house. You owe it to the rows of people sitting behind you, they don't want to see that- You Should Have Said Something! You owe it to the offender, save them some embarrassment- You Should Have Said Something! You owe it to yourself, you love these people, be bold, they love you too, they will listen to you. We will listen to you.
PLEASE SAY SOMETHING!