A Home on the Road
Normally I am a fairly mild mannered guy. Normally I can control my emotions through a large variety of situations. Normally I don't think about running people off of the road at high speeds. But sometimes I don't find myself in "normal" situations.
When you have been in the "business" that I am in for the legnth of time that I have been in it, you get to hear lots of stupid jokes, riddles and things like that. I don't particularly enjoy them. I don't care if "round bales of hay are being outlawed because cows can't get a square meal out of them". Not only do I not care to hear that joke one time, I don't care to hear it 10 times... Anyway, I digress. There is one saying that I have heard that applys to the topic of this blog. It goes something like this, "Why do people park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?". Hmmm... That's a good question, but I don't care to answer it or even discuss it. Please read on.
Have you ever been on a trip and been stuck behind someone who is driving 12 miles per hour under the speed limit? Have you ever been stuck behind someone who varies their speed so much that you are spending equal time on the brake and the gas? Although those situations can be maddening, when the opportunity presents itself, simply move into another lane, stomp your gas petal to the floor, glare at the person as you pass them, move in front of them and leave them in the black smoke of your VW TDI Jetta. That's what I usually do...
But what about this? Sometimes I find myself driving behind a HOUSE! A HOUSE on WHEELS! Being pulled by a TRUCK! Driving UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT! Blocking ALL LANES! SWERVING! I'm not sure why, but these homes on wheels seem to always be going where I am going. And for some reason, they always leave a little bit ahead of me. They frustrate me to no end. They plague me. I hate them. Have you ever seen those things? Nothing makes me want to shoot flaming arrows Dukes of Hazzard style like homes on wheels. Do you know what I am talking about?
Why are the tires on those things so SMALL? You're pulling a HOUSE for the love... I actually saw one of those mini-tires explode under the pressure of the home it was holding one time. A little scary. Why can't these houses be built on location like normal houses? Why can't their materials ride on a normal truck? Why do they drive during the day? Couldn't they drive at night so as to not hold up traffic?
One time I got stuck behind this enormous piece of equipment traveling through Mexia. It was so big that a man actually got out of the truck and lifted a pole up to the traffic signals to push them out of the way so there was room for the truck to drive under. Each light that was encountered took about 5 minutes and there are about 6 lights in Mexia. I was frothing at the mouth.
So, next time you are on the road, watch out for moving houses. They will make you red in the face. Don't even think about passing them. You can't. They hog the whole road and they can't move to the shoulder because they have go-cart tires. If you are lucky enough to not encounter one of the homes on wheels, then maybe you could ask the question, "Why do people park their cars at home and drive their homes down the road?". If that doesn't work, you can always talk about the shapes of hay...
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Loved-Ones, Please Speak Up
We see them everywhere we go. Maybe you see her at the mall, her bangs feathered 4 inches high. We all have seen him as we drive, mowing his lawn in shorts and black dress socks. I most recently saw her at the Texas Rangers game on June 30th. Her condition was difficult to tastefully explain, so I will show you her picture, but be warned, it's not for the easily nauseated.
Can anyone say, "OUCH!"?
Who are these people that make such seemingly horrible decisions concerning their appearance? They are our fathers, our aunts, our grandparents and our friends. They may even be us!
Some have already combined to help the fashionless, but how many people can "What Not to Wear" reach? Seriously, I can't watch that dude for very long... he bugs!
Those of us who recognize these problems when we see them, do we have a responsibility to say something? Do we owe it to society to bring the wayward back into the fashion fold? Ofcourse we DON'T! If these people were to hear that their bangs, or their socks were 25 years outdated they might be offended or have their feelings hurt. If they were to hear from a total stranger that their bite was so far up their butt-crack that their spine was visible, they might become embarrassed. So, since a stranger can't point these things out, who has the ability to do so? Should the fashion offenders even be told? Should they be left alone to dress how they choose?
I believe that if these people are to be helped, if we are to be helped, only those closest to the problem can help it. If the offender is actually my father and I do see the offence, I alone am responsible to help. If your aunt feathers her 4 inch bangs, only you can help change the behavior. If you are the person in the red shirt in the above picture, you should have said something before the game, no, you should have said something before you left the house. You owe it to the rows of people sitting behind you, they don't want to see that- You Should Have Said Something! You owe it to the offender, save them some embarrassment- You Should Have Said Something! You owe it to yourself, you love these people, be bold, they love you too, they will listen to you. We will listen to you.
PLEASE SAY SOMETHING!
We see them everywhere we go. Maybe you see her at the mall, her bangs feathered 4 inches high. We all have seen him as we drive, mowing his lawn in shorts and black dress socks. I most recently saw her at the Texas Rangers game on June 30th. Her condition was difficult to tastefully explain, so I will show you her picture, but be warned, it's not for the easily nauseated.
Can anyone say, "OUCH!"?Who are these people that make such seemingly horrible decisions concerning their appearance? They are our fathers, our aunts, our grandparents and our friends. They may even be us!
Some have already combined to help the fashionless, but how many people can "What Not to Wear" reach? Seriously, I can't watch that dude for very long... he bugs!
Those of us who recognize these problems when we see them, do we have a responsibility to say something? Do we owe it to society to bring the wayward back into the fashion fold? Ofcourse we DON'T! If these people were to hear that their bangs, or their socks were 25 years outdated they might be offended or have their feelings hurt. If they were to hear from a total stranger that their bite was so far up their butt-crack that their spine was visible, they might become embarrassed. So, since a stranger can't point these things out, who has the ability to do so? Should the fashion offenders even be told? Should they be left alone to dress how they choose?
I believe that if these people are to be helped, if we are to be helped, only those closest to the problem can help it. If the offender is actually my father and I do see the offence, I alone am responsible to help. If your aunt feathers her 4 inch bangs, only you can help change the behavior. If you are the person in the red shirt in the above picture, you should have said something before the game, no, you should have said something before you left the house. You owe it to the rows of people sitting behind you, they don't want to see that- You Should Have Said Something! You owe it to the offender, save them some embarrassment- You Should Have Said Something! You owe it to yourself, you love these people, be bold, they love you too, they will listen to you. We will listen to you.
PLEASE SAY SOMETHING!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Father's of Note
The term "deat-beat-dad" is thrown around a lot in today's culture. Some of these "men" refuse to support their children finantially. Others don't support their children by any other means other than money. Some of these men don't realize that their kids are their responsibility, so they spend ten times more time playing XBox 360 than they do playing with their kids. Anyway, I digress...
Last Sunday was Father's Day. This was a significant day for me since my wife and I are expecting our first child to be born around September 10. I was forced to think about the kind of dad I want to be for all of my future kids. So naturally, I thought about some fathers that I have observed over the 30 years of my life.
First off, my own dad. I have always said that if I become half the man that he is, I will be happy. He has been a perfect example of how to provide for a family. There is no one I know with a better work ethic. He taught me how to sacrifice for those I love. He taught me to seek the Lord 100%. As a boy, I thought my dad could fix anything...come to think of it...I still do. Thanks dad. You're the best.
Secondly, my Father-In-Law. I have observed in him over the last 7-8 years many things that I would do well to apply to my life. I have learned more about business, money and taking risks that I ever thought was out there. I have seen this father take out my mother-in-law on a weekly basis. I have learned how to get a killer tan. I also have overcome my fear of talking on my cell phone while in the bathroom. Thanks dad Mellon.
Another dad who I look up to is Dr. Tim. He has taught his sons how to be men. They know he loves them because of the hours and hours he has spent with them teaching how to hunt and fish. Thanks.
Many of my friends and in-laws (Chris, Scott, Mike, Jesse, Brett, Ronny, Trent and many others) already have children of different ages. Thank you for the examples you have unknowingly been to me as you raise your children.
Anyway, I thought some good dads deserved some credit.
The term "deat-beat-dad" is thrown around a lot in today's culture. Some of these "men" refuse to support their children finantially. Others don't support their children by any other means other than money. Some of these men don't realize that their kids are their responsibility, so they spend ten times more time playing XBox 360 than they do playing with their kids. Anyway, I digress...
Last Sunday was Father's Day. This was a significant day for me since my wife and I are expecting our first child to be born around September 10. I was forced to think about the kind of dad I want to be for all of my future kids. So naturally, I thought about some fathers that I have observed over the 30 years of my life.
First off, my own dad. I have always said that if I become half the man that he is, I will be happy. He has been a perfect example of how to provide for a family. There is no one I know with a better work ethic. He taught me how to sacrifice for those I love. He taught me to seek the Lord 100%. As a boy, I thought my dad could fix anything...come to think of it...I still do. Thanks dad. You're the best.
Secondly, my Father-In-Law. I have observed in him over the last 7-8 years many things that I would do well to apply to my life. I have learned more about business, money and taking risks that I ever thought was out there. I have seen this father take out my mother-in-law on a weekly basis. I have learned how to get a killer tan. I also have overcome my fear of talking on my cell phone while in the bathroom. Thanks dad Mellon.
Another dad who I look up to is Dr. Tim. He has taught his sons how to be men. They know he loves them because of the hours and hours he has spent with them teaching how to hunt and fish. Thanks.
Many of my friends and in-laws (Chris, Scott, Mike, Jesse, Brett, Ronny, Trent and many others) already have children of different ages. Thank you for the examples you have unknowingly been to me as you raise your children.
Anyway, I thought some good dads deserved some credit.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
ASSUME
This is a funny word. My high school soccer coach taught me one lesson I will always remember...and it wasn't about soccer (needless to say, he was a terrible coach). We'll get to that lesson in a few lines.
I find it irritating that so many people today think so highly of themselves. Surely the way they do their job is vastly superior to the way anyone else might do the same job. Surely the route they drive through town is the correct route. Surely the experiences they have had are head and shoulders above the experiences of others. Ofcourse they are correct on any subject no matter if they actually have any knowledge of that subject or not. They are right. Didn't you know?
What this boils down to is that many people in our society today love themselves so much that they naturally think everyone else should (or does) love them that much too. They think everyone else should get in line behind them and follow along like the sad little misinformed people they are. Heck, maybe the misinformed will be smart enough to take advantage of being in the presence of of such a wonderfully smart person and learn something. Right..........
On to the funny word. These people are actually assuming that they are correct or right or best or whatever. They assume that the rest of the world wants to or should be like them. Because it works for them, they assume that it will work for someone else. Here's the lesson from my coach... When we assume something about someone (follow along here) we make an (mentally separate the first three letters of the word assume from the last three letters, now separate the last two letters from the "u") (are you getting it?)...
Let me help: When we assume, we make an ass/u/me. When we assume, we make everyone involved look silly and the funniest part is that the person doing the assuming usually doesn't realize that they look silly!
What's the lesson all of us need to learn here? (I'm not assuming that I am an expert on this or that I can teach this to anyone. I am including myself in the learner category) Don't think so highly of yourself, myself, ourselves. Don't think that we are the authority in every situation and on every topic. Let's make a deal. I won't assume if you won't. Let's think about each other before we think about ourselves. Let's practice good, clear, open communication. Let's ask good questions. Let's not be so quick to offer our "expert" advice. Let's be careful and caring listeners. Let's not offer solutions so brashly. Does this work for you? Is it a deal?
This is a funny word. My high school soccer coach taught me one lesson I will always remember...and it wasn't about soccer (needless to say, he was a terrible coach). We'll get to that lesson in a few lines.
I find it irritating that so many people today think so highly of themselves. Surely the way they do their job is vastly superior to the way anyone else might do the same job. Surely the route they drive through town is the correct route. Surely the experiences they have had are head and shoulders above the experiences of others. Ofcourse they are correct on any subject no matter if they actually have any knowledge of that subject or not. They are right. Didn't you know?
What this boils down to is that many people in our society today love themselves so much that they naturally think everyone else should (or does) love them that much too. They think everyone else should get in line behind them and follow along like the sad little misinformed people they are. Heck, maybe the misinformed will be smart enough to take advantage of being in the presence of of such a wonderfully smart person and learn something. Right..........
On to the funny word. These people are actually assuming that they are correct or right or best or whatever. They assume that the rest of the world wants to or should be like them. Because it works for them, they assume that it will work for someone else. Here's the lesson from my coach... When we assume something about someone (follow along here) we make an (mentally separate the first three letters of the word assume from the last three letters, now separate the last two letters from the "u") (are you getting it?)...
Let me help: When we assume, we make an ass/u/me. When we assume, we make everyone involved look silly and the funniest part is that the person doing the assuming usually doesn't realize that they look silly!
What's the lesson all of us need to learn here? (I'm not assuming that I am an expert on this or that I can teach this to anyone. I am including myself in the learner category) Don't think so highly of yourself, myself, ourselves. Don't think that we are the authority in every situation and on every topic. Let's make a deal. I won't assume if you won't. Let's think about each other before we think about ourselves. Let's practice good, clear, open communication. Let's ask good questions. Let's not be so quick to offer our "expert" advice. Let's be careful and caring listeners. Let's not offer solutions so brashly. Does this work for you? Is it a deal?
Monday, June 12, 2006
Who really thinks this is cool?
Recently, while visiting some friends, I watched the CMA Award Show. For those of you who aren't fans of country music, this is the yearly Country Music Awards show. I would not classify myself as a huge country music fan but I was interested to see if Carrie Underwood would win any awards. Yes, I like Carrie Underwood, what of it!?
Anyway, on to the main topic of this "rant". During many of the performances through out the show there was a group of maybe 100-200 fans who were allowed to sit close to the performance stage. As I watched I was disturbed to see these fans start waving their hands in unison. Back and fourth, both arms extended skyward, palms facing the stage, right to left and back again...
I have seen this "move" many times before. It seems that this "dance" is destined to happen at every concert across the world at some point. I have seen it happen numerous times at youth camps and even during church services. My question is this: Why in the world do people do this?
I think this "dance", or whatever you want to call it, began by accident. Someone motioned for a friend and their wave happened to be in sequence with the beat of the song. For some unknown reason others thought this looked really "cool" so they joined in. Maybe it began in the '60's or '70's. Some pot smoking hippie tried to flag down the closest weed salesman and the people behind them (who were also high) thought this type of movement made them fly... I don't know.
Unfortunately, however it began, however long ago it was, people STILL wave their hands in unison today. The even bigger problem is that they STILL think it makes them look cool! No matter what they think, or how they feel, these people are goofy. Ant to the guy who takes it up a notch and adds a Bic lighter in his hand, you sir are an even bigger goof. Never mind the fact that you're dressed completely in denim. I can overlook the fact that your body odor is spreading faster than the bird flu. But please, for the love of God, if you are going to wave, at least wave with the beat! And stop looking around to see who else is waving with you because they are all on left while you are on right. Plus they are all dorks too! And yes, something smells bad...its you. All your waving has worn off your Old Spice underarm cream. To you sir, I hope you keep the Bic light for a long time... maybe a whole song. Long enough that when you put it back in your pocket it burns a hole through your Lee jeans and blisters your thigh!
So, here's to banning the "windshield wiper dance" forever. Here's to inflicting ridicule on people who take part in this activity. Here's to hopping none of us ever see people embarrass themselves in this manner again. Here's to remembering that if you are ever at a concert and feel the impulse to participate in this group dance, you're a NERD if you if you do it!
Recently, while visiting some friends, I watched the CMA Award Show. For those of you who aren't fans of country music, this is the yearly Country Music Awards show. I would not classify myself as a huge country music fan but I was interested to see if Carrie Underwood would win any awards. Yes, I like Carrie Underwood, what of it!?
Anyway, on to the main topic of this "rant". During many of the performances through out the show there was a group of maybe 100-200 fans who were allowed to sit close to the performance stage. As I watched I was disturbed to see these fans start waving their hands in unison. Back and fourth, both arms extended skyward, palms facing the stage, right to left and back again...
I have seen this "move" many times before. It seems that this "dance" is destined to happen at every concert across the world at some point. I have seen it happen numerous times at youth camps and even during church services. My question is this: Why in the world do people do this?
I think this "dance", or whatever you want to call it, began by accident. Someone motioned for a friend and their wave happened to be in sequence with the beat of the song. For some unknown reason others thought this looked really "cool" so they joined in. Maybe it began in the '60's or '70's. Some pot smoking hippie tried to flag down the closest weed salesman and the people behind them (who were also high) thought this type of movement made them fly... I don't know.
Unfortunately, however it began, however long ago it was, people STILL wave their hands in unison today. The even bigger problem is that they STILL think it makes them look cool! No matter what they think, or how they feel, these people are goofy. Ant to the guy who takes it up a notch and adds a Bic lighter in his hand, you sir are an even bigger goof. Never mind the fact that you're dressed completely in denim. I can overlook the fact that your body odor is spreading faster than the bird flu. But please, for the love of God, if you are going to wave, at least wave with the beat! And stop looking around to see who else is waving with you because they are all on left while you are on right. Plus they are all dorks too! And yes, something smells bad...its you. All your waving has worn off your Old Spice underarm cream. To you sir, I hope you keep the Bic light for a long time... maybe a whole song. Long enough that when you put it back in your pocket it burns a hole through your Lee jeans and blisters your thigh!
So, here's to banning the "windshield wiper dance" forever. Here's to inflicting ridicule on people who take part in this activity. Here's to hopping none of us ever see people embarrass themselves in this manner again. Here's to remembering that if you are ever at a concert and feel the impulse to participate in this group dance, you're a NERD if you if you do it!
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Please Pull Forward!
I like drive through's because they are convenient. However, some people do not completely understand the concept of a drive through. These people are the topic of my Rant today!
Has this ever happened to you? You are in your car waiting in line at the drive through of your choice (my choice is usually Starbucks). The person in front of you places their order and for some reason only pulls forward about 7 feet! You clearly do not have enough room to get even close to the speaker/microphone so that you may place your order because the last 4 feet of their car is STILL IN FRONT OF THE SPEAKER! This wonderful citizen still has no clue that anyone is in line behind them, plus the fact that they are obviously afraid of the vehicle and driver in front of them- so they are staying cautiously away!
At this point, the employee working the drive through is asking you via the speaker you're not close to, if you would like to try some sort of green tea something-or-other. "No...I just want the idiot in front of me to pull forward a little more!"
4 vehicles in front of you, a happy couple has just received their drinks and is leaving the drive through area. 3 vehicles in front of you a Toyota Pathfinder pulls to the window, 2 cars ahead of you is following closely behind the Pathfinder and then there is your friend...and God only knows what they are doing! They drive forward about another 6 feet, still at a "safe" distance behind the car in front of them, but thankfully you can get close enough to the speaker/microphone to place you order without having to shout. You politely place your order and now the mind-set shifts. I like this part! Now its your turn to make room for the person behind you to order, so what do you do? Well, obviously you must pull forward as far as you can, even if that means making the driver of the vehicle in front of you a little uncomfortable due to the lack of distance between your car and theirs (remember how scared they are of other vehicles).
What is it with those people? They coincidently are usually the same ones who drop their money on the ground, suddenly remember they need to buy a gift card, return their drink immediately and/or refuse to drive away until they have put all of the change into the proper sized slots of the arm rest console.
If you are one of these people, or know one of these people, please, please, please...
PULL YOUR DANG CAR FORWARD!
I like drive through's because they are convenient. However, some people do not completely understand the concept of a drive through. These people are the topic of my Rant today!
Has this ever happened to you? You are in your car waiting in line at the drive through of your choice (my choice is usually Starbucks). The person in front of you places their order and for some reason only pulls forward about 7 feet! You clearly do not have enough room to get even close to the speaker/microphone so that you may place your order because the last 4 feet of their car is STILL IN FRONT OF THE SPEAKER! This wonderful citizen still has no clue that anyone is in line behind them, plus the fact that they are obviously afraid of the vehicle and driver in front of them- so they are staying cautiously away!
At this point, the employee working the drive through is asking you via the speaker you're not close to, if you would like to try some sort of green tea something-or-other. "No...I just want the idiot in front of me to pull forward a little more!"
4 vehicles in front of you, a happy couple has just received their drinks and is leaving the drive through area. 3 vehicles in front of you a Toyota Pathfinder pulls to the window, 2 cars ahead of you is following closely behind the Pathfinder and then there is your friend...and God only knows what they are doing! They drive forward about another 6 feet, still at a "safe" distance behind the car in front of them, but thankfully you can get close enough to the speaker/microphone to place you order without having to shout. You politely place your order and now the mind-set shifts. I like this part! Now its your turn to make room for the person behind you to order, so what do you do? Well, obviously you must pull forward as far as you can, even if that means making the driver of the vehicle in front of you a little uncomfortable due to the lack of distance between your car and theirs (remember how scared they are of other vehicles).
What is it with those people? They coincidently are usually the same ones who drop their money on the ground, suddenly remember they need to buy a gift card, return their drink immediately and/or refuse to drive away until they have put all of the change into the proper sized slots of the arm rest console.
If you are one of these people, or know one of these people, please, please, please...
PULL YOUR DANG CAR FORWARD!
Monday, May 22, 2006
Mustache- The hair growing on the human upper lip, especially when cultivated or groomed.
When did things begin going so badly for the mustache? What once was a symbol of strength and facial hair growing status now has now been smudged. The mustache has been given a "black eye" if you will. Before the "door knocker" was made so popular by baseball players and youth workers across America (1995-present) there was the mustache.
Commonly refered to today as a "trash-stache", "molestache" or "porn star stache", the mustache in general is not a popular facial grooming style. My question is, "Why?".
Last weekend as I was getting ready for the gambit of graduations, weddings and church services that were coming my way I left my mustache in the "Fu-Manchu" style. I have included a picture of this for your viewing pleasure. When my beautiful wife saw my newly formed 'stache, she informed me that she would not be seen with me at any of the events we would be attending unless I subtracted the addition.
When did things begin going so badly for the mustache? What once was a symbol of strength and facial hair growing status now has now been smudged. The mustache has been given a "black eye" if you will. Before the "door knocker" was made so popular by baseball players and youth workers across America (1995-present) there was the mustache.
Commonly refered to today as a "trash-stache", "molestache" or "porn star stache", the mustache in general is not a popular facial grooming style. My question is, "Why?".
Last weekend as I was getting ready for the gambit of graduations, weddings and church services that were coming my way I left my mustache in the "Fu-Manchu" style. I have included a picture of this for your viewing pleasure. When my beautiful wife saw my newly formed 'stache, she informed me that she would not be seen with me at any of the events we would be attending unless I subtracted the addition.
Some very popular and very powerful men have sported 'staches' over the years: Yosemite Sam, Adolph Hitler, Tom Selleck, my uncles Mark and Steve, millions of 11-13 year old boys and more recently Gonzaga basketball player Adam Morrison.
Why are the goatee and the "soul patch" the prefered facial hair styles of today? Is the mustache coming back in style? Did the mustache ever actually go out of style? What type of man, or in some cases woman, keep a mustache? Are facial hair styles cyclical?
I personally think that the goatee will soon join the mustache as out dated. The next popular facial hair style will be
the Hulihee.
the Hulihee.I would love to hear your thoughts on the mustache.
And until next time, don't forget to style and groom your facial hairs!
Friday, May 19, 2006
Well, this is me. Some call me Homer, others call me Matt, but most just don't call me at all. Now don't feel sorry for me...I like it that way.
Welcome to my blog. I am usually a little behind the cutting edge of technology. Many of my friends have a blog, so I thought I would follow the trend.
I titled my blog, -My Rant-My Ramble- because that is what I tend to do.
An introduction is all I will post for now. Check back soon for my first "real" post. If you would like for me to address a specific topic please let me know and I would be happy to oblige.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
